longingness.

i miss that feeling, being a spiritual mother.
i miss my spiritual kids.
i miss sharing my testimony.
i miss sharing for God's glory.

it's my heart longing. =(

( i just can't express all my feelings right now.)

Phil.1:4

Amazing! :)

A great day! :)

It's a day that i feel like i'm born again. ^^
No worries. No doubts.
Only you holding unto the Lord.
It feels so good when you honor Him.
Bringing back all the glory unto our King.
Thank you Lord for changing my heart.
I thank you Lord for this gift of life.
I will honor you all the days of my life.

**JOSHUA10:14

-Wait quietly. (Psam62:5)
-Wait patiently.(Psalm37:7)
-Wait Expectantly.(Psal,105:5)
♥WAIT TO HEAR FROM GOD♥

FIDELITY

And it really breaks my heart.
A lot of questions kept running on my mind.
I wanna know the answer, i wanna ask him everything.
I wanna clear things out but why now?
Why did i let time passed by not asking him.
Eventually i'm still that weak person who use to runaway.
Or maybe i really hold on what he said:
"I should have to prove myself that i'm worthy for you and prove to me that i'm worthy for you.. We should have to seek God first and if we're meant to be then it will be. ."

Words that i've tried to hold on not even asking if i should wait for him or if he would wait for me.
Words that i tried to hold on. Words that made me so weak now.
Words that i wish i never suppose to believe in.
But why did i hold on?
It's simply because i believe i have a big God that though i won't need to ask the guy if i should wait for him having that so called faith and trust in God that somehow our hearts will meet again.
But guess what that fidelity of mine with that so called love makes me surrender everything about him. Why? I WANT HIM TO BE HAPPY.

Weirdo me? But that's really I am, i don't wanna fight for the person who can't fight for me at all, it might cause deep pain inside. How can i fight for him if i'm praying for him but then not knowingly he's praying for someone else. I don't wanna be selfish. Though right now i'm bleeding inside i know that the joy of our Lord will be my strength. And i'm praying if i would ask him all the questions on my mind, at first i'm afraid coz i know answers might cause pain so much but then God told me this early in the morning while having my devotional prayers, thrice He said in Deuteronomy 31 -- "Be strong and courageous, don't be afraid -- I'm with you!"

***Am i a fool? NA-ah. I'm a person who seems to love sincerely though i know he can't love me back. I never thought it would hurt me again. I'm broken when i received God in my life(Nov.5,2009), praying i could find the One in that place, so blessed i met him(concert Back into His love) but then unexpectedly my heart was broken again. I don't wanna think again for that so called Love. I want to be at peace. God being in control of everything. Dad, i surrender, i give up, i really can't hold on it kills me inside. Be my strength -- please protect me, guide my heart, be my love. And favor Dad? Make him happy. Let your will be done. Entrusting my life unto you.

"OPEN THE EYES OF MY HEART LORD, I WANT TO SEE YOU."

LET'S FACE IT :)

"GOD CAN, EVEN THOUGH I CAN'T"

A week full of struggles--ups & down.
But indeed it's our God who really hold me so tight.
He never wanted to let go of me.

Admit it i'm not that so good.
i'm the point of facing the facts-reality.
Letting go of the things that makes me so weak.
Holding unto that so called faith.
Holding on to my God.

I'm working on it.
Working with myself.
Letting God work on my life.
Being Him in control of me.

And the best part.
Starting with myself-loving myself.
I think that's one of the best thing i need to do.
Most often i forget to care for myself.
Reflecting and realizing i need to love thyself.
And speaking of new start.
Let's start. Let's begin at the very beginning.
How? BEGIN WITH GOD. :)

**Romans 8:28
(i was overwhelmed with my conversation over the phone with this Christian guy. looking forward for a dinner with him. i thank God for his life.)

***Dad, i'm blessed. i'm blessed. i'm blessed. thank you so much. :)

LOST

i'm in the middle of nowhere.
can't find myself.
i wanna get out of it.
it's hard.
just wanna find my way out.
it takes my breath away.
makes me wanna quit.
but a part of me keep holding on.
saying "FIGHT FOR IT!"

**EXODUS14:14**

right now, i'm weak. =l

Prayer :D

It's been couple of days since i updated my blog. I miss blogging. :)

Prayer. Yes a prayer that can change everything in a glimpse.
A person whom whenever he said things it makes me listen to him more and more.
Just wanna make me say, can we seat for a while and say prayers for me?
Can we talk for a while and share your beliefs. :)

I'm blessed and truly praying with no doubt is facing fear with faith.
It's hard if you'll think about all of this impossible things.
Yet entrusting God that He shall fulfill His promise makes me hold on and pray for it more and more. Bigger and bigger prayers. ^^

Let me share you this i had a walked with a friend of mine on our way home, sharing thoughts and we end up to the letting go issue. Funny how it seems but suddenly all of that letting go turn into holding on to God's promises tonight. It really strikes our heart and felt the same way when one of our church mates said "pahinan mu wari, makanta namu wari" (is that all? would you give up this time?)
Boom! Like a wake up call! Oh yeah i do remember i have a big God that He'll give the desires of your heart. It strengthens me and make me wanna pray and pray until i have a breakthrough in my prayer life. And told myself, "how can you know prayer works if you'll just give up?"
And now--i understand. And wouldn't question God again. He answered my question on this part and i'll do obey Him. Whoa! Makes me screamed for the overwhelming joy that i'm feeling.

It's never too late. So don't stop praying. It works! :)

And lastly it was confirm again. PHIL.4:6. Whoa! You're awesome God! :)

"WHENEVER YOU PRAY -- PRAY SINCERELY FROM HEART. :)"

A simple prayer :)

Hi bloggers! I'll share you a simple prayer of mine and i would assure you IT WORKS! :)

By the way i'm facing lots of struggle and one of my dearest friend asked me, how can you survive with your work-lots of burdens! Your being stressful, don't eat at time and struggles in every corner of your company.

Yeah! His right, but then come to think of what would i answered to Him i just smile to him. And on my way home that question pop out into my mind and whoa! Honestly all i can say is that, IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF JESUS! It's Him, only Him can make me survive not only at work but in every struggles i'm facing through. It's all because i'm trusting Him in all His ways that i know every struggles will come to an end and He won't let me down. Every fear in my heart i'm facing all of it with faith in Him. He's always here-right beside me, beside you. :)

And my prayer to Him, it's only simple whenever i say a pray i'm asking this prayer to Him with all my heart:

"Lord, open up my heart-open up my mind. Let you be in control of everything in my life. And GOD ALWAYS BE WITH ME."

That's it. I'm just asking Him to be with me all the time cause i know without Him -- I am nothing. IT'S ALL ABOUT JESUS--NO MORE,NO LESS! :)