Lonesome Happiness

a weirdo right? why lonesome happiness?

hmm.. it's been a month since i'm working and many times i experienced being on my own.

*having lunch break alone.

*going at work alone.

*going home on wee hours alone.

*decision making at work.

*balancing LCF, Petty Cash, AR, Pick-up, etc. @ work.

*having breakfast alone.

*having dinner alone.

*walking alone.

*sleeping alone.

Notice ALONE? it never leaves me. So do Daddy God. Therefore at times when i'm alone. He was always there besides me. Listening to my prayer every now and then. Life is full of choices. I can even easily resign at work if i wanted yet i'm not doing it. Why? Maybe i'm enjoying at work, though i know its' hard. A really struggle for me nowadays. But why i'm still pursuing it? Coz i know God planned it, everything that happens. I don't know until when will i hold unto this work. Maybe if Dad would blessed me with a new work and i could really deal with that work, then it's time to relinquish everything at work. Though i love people at work. Betcha there were no times that you can find yourself doing nothing at work if you would be at my place, always busy doing stuff at work. Even lunch break, all you can think is your work. So tired. Everyday routine.

ALONE too? made me more distant with SCBF. i miss everything about us. Thus both of us change? I don't know. Praying that we could find time again for each other, no excuses. All i can think during my lunchbreak is that person who is always there besides me before having my job. But now everything changes, i seem so busy, either him. I do miss our bonded moments. --I'LL NEVER GO.misses popoy so much.

Guess i gotta go to bed. I feel so sick. Physically weak. Goodnight Bloggers. Sunday tomorrow yet i have to work. =(

***DAD, WORK WITH MY LIFE. I NEED YOU. I WANT YOU. LET YOUR WILL BE DONE,SO BE IT.

MY STRUGGLE

am i struggling again with him?
why? maybe because i suddenly open his blogsite and read his post.
but it can't be. we're too far away from each other now. how can it happen, right?
distance. made us so far away. yet i miss our bonded moments.
i miss the way he laugh.
i miss the way he throw jokes.
i miss the advices.
i miss listening to his word.
i miss everything about him.
why so?
perhaps it's because i used to have him around.
but now i feel so far away with him.
seems like i don't even know though a single detail of what's happening with his life nowadays.
i miss listening to his stories too - stories about in his everyday life.
but i guess his happy, and he will always be happy. :)

**Dad, bless him. We may be too distant with each other but here in my heart he will always remained. Memoirs last forever and can't be erase. Praying for his happiness though we may find ways and just in case we're not destined to meet halfway again. I really just miss him. Waaah! why it seems i can't get over him. haha. Funny how he can always be my struggle. The one who can make me struggle most. The guy who can put a smile on my face. But betcha bloggers i'm not struggling i'm just reminiscing and missing our bonded moments. Bless my heart Dad. Goodnight. Love you! :)

HOLD ON?

you're around but i'm not with you.
i'm not with you and either you.
either you makes so many difference.
many difference that starts the distance.
distance that build wall.
wall that would fall apart.

bestfriend between a lover.
a lover will make you feel so special.
so special that you tend to forgot what we've promised.
promises that are broken.
broken relationship that hurts.

***waaaahh!! i hate this. why should i ought to feel this way.
it's wrong.wrong.wrong. should i let go? or still hold on to our promises though jealousy attacks? i can be your best friend but i dunno until when will i overcome this fear i feel inside. praying that everything will be fine. neither i don't wanna go so far away from you, it really needs time. time to make everything better again, be on the same track. meeting yours and mine halfway. sorry Dad but i just wanna be real. can't tell this thingy straight forward to that person coz i'm afraid to be ignore but with you i know you would listened. and this blog would just let me write what would i feel at this moment. so blessed i had this blogsite that i can write every thoughts in my heart and mind. i really miss us but there are many excuses now. praying things will be all right at the right moment. i will endure and pray for it. =(

***WHEN I'M AFRAID, I TRUST IN YOU. BLESS MY HEART DAD. MAKE EVERYTHING BE IN PROPER PLACES. DON'T WANNA GET WRONG. JUST WANNA ENDURE. ENDURE. ENDURE. WAIT PATIENTLY FOR THE RIGHT TIME. YES DAD INDEED YOU'RE THE STRENGTH OF MY HEART. THOUGH I FEEL THIS WAY HOLDING UNTO YOU MAKES ME FEEL SO GREAT AT THE TIMES WHEN I FEEL SO WEAK. GUIDE ME, GUARD MY HEART. BLESS MY HEART. SO GREAT I HAVE YOU(DG) IN MY LIFE THAT PUTS ME UP WHEN I'M DOWN. :)

mixture of love

waiting for nothing.
waiting though i know it makes no sense.
waiting though i know isn't right.
waiting til you came.
waiting til i see you walking through me.
waiting cause i know when we're together laughter is in it's fullest blast.
waiting cause i'll know you'll be there.
yet now waiting makes it so painful.
cause now you can't be there.

perhaps the lyrics of the song is right.
SEASONS ARE CHANGING.
yet i believe in you Dad.
Everything will be so great, ENDURE.

before i used to have you around.
but now?
WHERE ARE YOU?
i miss us =l

***Dad, i'm so upset. I know it might happen yet i believe in you. If things are bound to happen, so be it. I really wanna cry unto you. I wanna get mad, yet a part of me doesn't want to. I don't know what am i supposed to feel. Heal me Dad. Mend my heart. I wanna make every situation right, teach me how to wait patiently. Help me relinquish every part that i'm used into it. It may be too hard for me, but i wanna make it fall apart. I'M BROKEN. =(

am i happy?

should i be happy if my heart seems not to be that good.
i dunno. but my mind keeps telling me i should be.
whoa. whatta feeling.
second time around. still looking forward on what's gonna happen next.
would it be the same as before or there would be a twist?

praying.praying.praying.

"WHATEVER IT IS LORD, I TRUST IN YOU.
LET YOUR WILL BE DONE. SO BE IT."

*sad face trying to make it to a happier one. but i admit i'm not that fine. situations were different, i'm not used into it. but just maybe. i can cope up with it too sooner or later. missing the old times. praying for my heart. =l

=l

a tough day at work. i'm physically weak. =(

God's Grace :)

UPDATE about Him. :)

So what's with this guy? Nothing. Haha.

So why am I writing this part? I really don't know too. Haha.

I bet i just wanna say thanks to him, having him around gives me strength.

Courage to put things right again. And i'm really being speechless while writing here.

I can't think of the things that i might say. Haha.

I'm not struggling at him, yet when i see him my heart. Oh nothing. Haha.

I'm so ewan. I dunno why. When it comes to him. I feel so ewan.

Maybe because i gotta feeling at him before.

His such a blessing in my life.

Really blessed. :)

Thanks Dad, i'm bless that in my entire journey at Manifesto he's the one that really i can say you put me into a test. Looking forward on what's gonna happen next in his life and mine. This person is such a blessing, not only to me but to everyone, bless this person more and more Dad. I'm glad that over a million people we still meet almost halfway. It's not an accident why everything happens, it had a purpose. Whoa! Love you Daddy. Give him a hug,says it comes from me. :)

SUPER CLOSE BEST FRIEND ^^

So how's my heart?

It's been quite a while since i post here. Whew! I bet i really miss writing.

I really miss the real "I" when i started in my Christian walk.

Slowly but surely, so here i am now. SO good to be back. ^^

UPDATES?

Well honestly i almost fell in love in the idea of having a companion next to me. Who can be there 24/7, i just thought that everything would work out just fine having him next to me. A substitution to replace the guy i've been struggling for yet i guess it's wrong. What all i need is to be focus. So who am I referring to? My best buddy nowadays, not to give a clue but he's so dear to me. He can be there anytime for me, that we actually now the ups and down of each other starting my last day of work at NSO until now. We're not that close before,but now it's just that our relationship as friends grew closer and closer. And i'm blessed having him around, and we usually throw jokes to each other that nothing would change between the two of us if he got a girlfriend and i got my boyfriend. Perhaps it's quite difficult, knowing before you got his full attention but now, he got his girlfriend and it's ok but things changes. His girl got jealous at me at times. And sometimes whenever we're together people actually think that he's my boyfriend and i'm his girlfriend. And we find ourselves just laughing. But i know things would work out just fine, and praying nothing would ever change the good things that we started. SUPER CLOSE BEST FRIEND that's what he always refer to me. Same here i found him my best buddy, called him MEDS. ^^

Thanks for having him around Dad, I pray that you bless our relationship. Bless our hearts Dad. Make things work out, nothing would change that we can be able to cope up with each other though he had his girl. Everything happens for a reason, whatever it is Lord. I TRUST IN YOU. ^^