Lonesome Happiness

a weirdo right? why lonesome happiness?

hmm.. it's been a month since i'm working and many times i experienced being on my own.

*having lunch break alone.

*going at work alone.

*going home on wee hours alone.

*decision making at work.

*balancing LCF, Petty Cash, AR, Pick-up, etc. @ work.

*having breakfast alone.

*having dinner alone.

*walking alone.

*sleeping alone.

Notice ALONE? it never leaves me. So do Daddy God. Therefore at times when i'm alone. He was always there besides me. Listening to my prayer every now and then. Life is full of choices. I can even easily resign at work if i wanted yet i'm not doing it. Why? Maybe i'm enjoying at work, though i know its' hard. A really struggle for me nowadays. But why i'm still pursuing it? Coz i know God planned it, everything that happens. I don't know until when will i hold unto this work. Maybe if Dad would blessed me with a new work and i could really deal with that work, then it's time to relinquish everything at work. Though i love people at work. Betcha there were no times that you can find yourself doing nothing at work if you would be at my place, always busy doing stuff at work. Even lunch break, all you can think is your work. So tired. Everyday routine.

ALONE too? made me more distant with SCBF. i miss everything about us. Thus both of us change? I don't know. Praying that we could find time again for each other, no excuses. All i can think during my lunchbreak is that person who is always there besides me before having my job. But now everything changes, i seem so busy, either him. I do miss our bonded moments. --I'LL NEVER GO.misses popoy so much.

Guess i gotta go to bed. I feel so sick. Physically weak. Goodnight Bloggers. Sunday tomorrow yet i have to work. =(

***DAD, WORK WITH MY LIFE. I NEED YOU. I WANT YOU. LET YOUR WILL BE DONE,SO BE IT.

MY STRUGGLE

am i struggling again with him?
why? maybe because i suddenly open his blogsite and read his post.
but it can't be. we're too far away from each other now. how can it happen, right?
distance. made us so far away. yet i miss our bonded moments.
i miss the way he laugh.
i miss the way he throw jokes.
i miss the advices.
i miss listening to his word.
i miss everything about him.
why so?
perhaps it's because i used to have him around.
but now i feel so far away with him.
seems like i don't even know though a single detail of what's happening with his life nowadays.
i miss listening to his stories too - stories about in his everyday life.
but i guess his happy, and he will always be happy. :)

**Dad, bless him. We may be too distant with each other but here in my heart he will always remained. Memoirs last forever and can't be erase. Praying for his happiness though we may find ways and just in case we're not destined to meet halfway again. I really just miss him. Waaah! why it seems i can't get over him. haha. Funny how he can always be my struggle. The one who can make me struggle most. The guy who can put a smile on my face. But betcha bloggers i'm not struggling i'm just reminiscing and missing our bonded moments. Bless my heart Dad. Goodnight. Love you! :)

HOLD ON?

you're around but i'm not with you.
i'm not with you and either you.
either you makes so many difference.
many difference that starts the distance.
distance that build wall.
wall that would fall apart.

bestfriend between a lover.
a lover will make you feel so special.
so special that you tend to forgot what we've promised.
promises that are broken.
broken relationship that hurts.

***waaaahh!! i hate this. why should i ought to feel this way.
it's wrong.wrong.wrong. should i let go? or still hold on to our promises though jealousy attacks? i can be your best friend but i dunno until when will i overcome this fear i feel inside. praying that everything will be fine. neither i don't wanna go so far away from you, it really needs time. time to make everything better again, be on the same track. meeting yours and mine halfway. sorry Dad but i just wanna be real. can't tell this thingy straight forward to that person coz i'm afraid to be ignore but with you i know you would listened. and this blog would just let me write what would i feel at this moment. so blessed i had this blogsite that i can write every thoughts in my heart and mind. i really miss us but there are many excuses now. praying things will be all right at the right moment. i will endure and pray for it. =(

***WHEN I'M AFRAID, I TRUST IN YOU. BLESS MY HEART DAD. MAKE EVERYTHING BE IN PROPER PLACES. DON'T WANNA GET WRONG. JUST WANNA ENDURE. ENDURE. ENDURE. WAIT PATIENTLY FOR THE RIGHT TIME. YES DAD INDEED YOU'RE THE STRENGTH OF MY HEART. THOUGH I FEEL THIS WAY HOLDING UNTO YOU MAKES ME FEEL SO GREAT AT THE TIMES WHEN I FEEL SO WEAK. GUIDE ME, GUARD MY HEART. BLESS MY HEART. SO GREAT I HAVE YOU(DG) IN MY LIFE THAT PUTS ME UP WHEN I'M DOWN. :)

mixture of love

waiting for nothing.
waiting though i know it makes no sense.
waiting though i know isn't right.
waiting til you came.
waiting til i see you walking through me.
waiting cause i know when we're together laughter is in it's fullest blast.
waiting cause i'll know you'll be there.
yet now waiting makes it so painful.
cause now you can't be there.

perhaps the lyrics of the song is right.
SEASONS ARE CHANGING.
yet i believe in you Dad.
Everything will be so great, ENDURE.

before i used to have you around.
but now?
WHERE ARE YOU?
i miss us =l

***Dad, i'm so upset. I know it might happen yet i believe in you. If things are bound to happen, so be it. I really wanna cry unto you. I wanna get mad, yet a part of me doesn't want to. I don't know what am i supposed to feel. Heal me Dad. Mend my heart. I wanna make every situation right, teach me how to wait patiently. Help me relinquish every part that i'm used into it. It may be too hard for me, but i wanna make it fall apart. I'M BROKEN. =(

am i happy?

should i be happy if my heart seems not to be that good.
i dunno. but my mind keeps telling me i should be.
whoa. whatta feeling.
second time around. still looking forward on what's gonna happen next.
would it be the same as before or there would be a twist?

praying.praying.praying.

"WHATEVER IT IS LORD, I TRUST IN YOU.
LET YOUR WILL BE DONE. SO BE IT."

*sad face trying to make it to a happier one. but i admit i'm not that fine. situations were different, i'm not used into it. but just maybe. i can cope up with it too sooner or later. missing the old times. praying for my heart. =l

=l

a tough day at work. i'm physically weak. =(

God's Grace :)

UPDATE about Him. :)

So what's with this guy? Nothing. Haha.

So why am I writing this part? I really don't know too. Haha.

I bet i just wanna say thanks to him, having him around gives me strength.

Courage to put things right again. And i'm really being speechless while writing here.

I can't think of the things that i might say. Haha.

I'm not struggling at him, yet when i see him my heart. Oh nothing. Haha.

I'm so ewan. I dunno why. When it comes to him. I feel so ewan.

Maybe because i gotta feeling at him before.

His such a blessing in my life.

Really blessed. :)

Thanks Dad, i'm bless that in my entire journey at Manifesto he's the one that really i can say you put me into a test. Looking forward on what's gonna happen next in his life and mine. This person is such a blessing, not only to me but to everyone, bless this person more and more Dad. I'm glad that over a million people we still meet almost halfway. It's not an accident why everything happens, it had a purpose. Whoa! Love you Daddy. Give him a hug,says it comes from me. :)

SUPER CLOSE BEST FRIEND ^^

So how's my heart?

It's been quite a while since i post here. Whew! I bet i really miss writing.

I really miss the real "I" when i started in my Christian walk.

Slowly but surely, so here i am now. SO good to be back. ^^

UPDATES?

Well honestly i almost fell in love in the idea of having a companion next to me. Who can be there 24/7, i just thought that everything would work out just fine having him next to me. A substitution to replace the guy i've been struggling for yet i guess it's wrong. What all i need is to be focus. So who am I referring to? My best buddy nowadays, not to give a clue but he's so dear to me. He can be there anytime for me, that we actually now the ups and down of each other starting my last day of work at NSO until now. We're not that close before,but now it's just that our relationship as friends grew closer and closer. And i'm blessed having him around, and we usually throw jokes to each other that nothing would change between the two of us if he got a girlfriend and i got my boyfriend. Perhaps it's quite difficult, knowing before you got his full attention but now, he got his girlfriend and it's ok but things changes. His girl got jealous at me at times. And sometimes whenever we're together people actually think that he's my boyfriend and i'm his girlfriend. And we find ourselves just laughing. But i know things would work out just fine, and praying nothing would ever change the good things that we started. SUPER CLOSE BEST FRIEND that's what he always refer to me. Same here i found him my best buddy, called him MEDS. ^^

Thanks for having him around Dad, I pray that you bless our relationship. Bless our hearts Dad. Make things work out, nothing would change that we can be able to cope up with each other though he had his girl. Everything happens for a reason, whatever it is Lord. I TRUST IN YOU. ^^

LOVE :)

God is so great! Best things are coming up! LG-check! :) I had this LifeGroup today, though i don't feel that good yet Dad was so amazing. Praise God there's a bday celebration on Mcdo that's why we moved our LG on Johnny's and guess what, tears fell during LG. haha. I don't know why, but i can see that Dad is the only reason why emotions were shown. Endless laughters during sharing and bonding. I bet they were the one who made me more stronger nowadays. I'm thankful with their lives, I thank Dad for them. Whoa! Pictures taken? I'll upload them soon. :)


**I just wanna say Dad that i feel so much love with you. Nothing can stop me from loving you more and more each day Dad, truly your unfailing love is never ending. So blessed. Thank you Dad i appreciate everything. As in everything Dad. ILOVEYOU, ALL GLORY TO OUR KING! ^^

=l

grabii Dad you break me again. buti namu kakayari kupa ketang letter ku para kaya atleast ali puro bitterness ing asulat ku. thankful kupa din Dad. hai Dad mangaga naku nnman neh. haha. phug ne Dad ekuna kasi agyu eh. i promise Dad isurrender kune keka. bahala na next year ne Dad, ika ng bahala keng egana-gana balu ku naman pu nanu man maging decision mu apin na talaga ing path a dapat kung puntalan. that time Dad i would really commit my cause for you. for you, YOU alone Dad. balu mu Dad makananu ku lugud and it would takes time talaga para milako ya ini. Heal me Dad, heal my heart. thank you pu. ika namu talaga Dad. masakit pero with this Dad i can say na mgEndure ku at ing sakit daramdaman ku eni yang magpatatag kaku para mas mgEndure ku keng Manifesto ku, besides 4 months nemu kabilis ne Dad. chu na keka kung palayaan mu naku kanta or papagstay mu kumu Dad, you know what i mean - our covenant. ILOVEYOUDAD!:)

physically weak =l

grabii magbabasa na sana ako tapos matutulog na kasi super nanalambot na ako tapos inutusan ako na iType ang 12songs na ito. hai. naman. pumipikit na mata ko. grabii. obey.obey.obey. ^^

**Dad, thank you for this great day though i'm physically weak lately yet i find it more time spending my Quiet time with you and reading my Bible. Thank you Dad. Love you! Bless my heart. :)

ONE! :)

Oct. 3, 2010. A date that really marks in

my heart and surely in the heart of many people. It was an event -

4000 PEOPLE WORSHIPPING GOD.

ONE PASSION. ONE POWER. ONE PURPOSE.

Truly our God is so amazing. We arrived at the church, and at first i saw the sanctuary. Whoa! Speechless. We prayed together with the Wildfire people that was lead by our Pastor. We even tend to pray with Pastor Jerry and other intecessor team. Asking for two things for that day PRESENCE & BLESSINGS. :)

A fine weather, a rainbow appeared above and 'twas the first time i saw it. Whoa! I met different people, smile a lot and just bring All Glory and Praise to our King! We serve and serve people for ONE reason - t

o make Dad smile. :)

I was very happy then that all of the 15 tickets that I gave away with the persons i invited all came. Truly He's so amazing. I was moved and touched, it was all by His grace. Seeing my LG members participating

and atte

nding the event melts my heart. Alas! Amidst all of the testing that happened in my LG until now i'm standing still and our network started to increase. Many descendants just what Dad promised. (G

enesis12:2)

And there was a part that really melts my heart, hearing the songs entitled

"YOUR GRACE IS ENOUGH & HOSANNA" tears started to fall. I admit i was really jea

lous with those who have their family with them. All the time at that event i was really thinking of my family, dreaming somehow their with me. =l Until now while writing this blog there's a tears in my eye. Yet i was so blessed that wishing for that hug from a family, then all of sudden this little kid out of nowhere just hug me. FAITH, this kid indeed

put a smile on my face. She's a blessing in disguise, and God was so amazing that at that time He never fails to show how He love me so. He send this kid. Thanks Dad! :)

Mamy more happened but i guess i'll just end it up with this saying "WITH

GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE." Slowly but surely Dad. A

s you've said to me, all i have to do is wait patiently. Endure for

everything, and it is by your Grace that i will live for my everyday life. Asking for your gu

idance, with your blessings of strong & enduring heart. :)

HERE ARE SOME PHOTOS AT THE EVENT. :)

USHERING TEAM -FOOD & DRINKS. Kuya Ja had taken this picture while we're jumping and singing praise. :)

With my 2 anaks and julie, kets. After everything. haha :)

After long hours of standing ovation finally Dad let us seat. :)

To God be the Glory! :)

It's the last day of gig at Greenfields, Sindalan (sept.25,2010). Really God made this day so great. Remembering from the moment i step in that place, broken hearted and meeting a LifeGroup leader, it was last year Nov. then. Truly God is so close with the broken hearted, a testimony from me. I'm amazed with His own ways that when i started surrendering everything to Him,I signed the Manifesto a day before Valentine's day, whoa! I really cried then. Many memoirs that i spent their, different people that touch my life, though i have my limitations going to church yet our God was so great that on the last day of the gig i've been there. It's my faith and trust unto Him that made me present on that very last gig at Greenfields, and it was memorable that Dad gave me this 5 new souls unexpectedly, it's all because of His Grace! Praise God, for He never fails to made you feel that you're loved every now and then. I'm thankful that i have them whom i've been praying for a long time ago, truly God gave the desires of heart. I'm loving more and more the idea of falling in love with Daddy God - His own ways moving my life, i won't take control of my life, i will let His ways be done. :)

***DON'T STOP.NEVER STOP.--PRAYING FOR YOUR HEART'S DESIRE!***

EGR

it's my first time to this at home. a tiring day for me after the laundry then while checking on my fb account it made me listen to this song - Deeper by Planetshakers. Tears started to fall. I off the pc and go to my room. Read a certain passage in the bible and reflect. In mood for worship, almost an hour and a half. Whoa! It feels so great, like what Dad said from now on you can worship me anytime and anywhere. Encountering Him once again made my day so complete. It's a good thing i didn't go at H.A.U. instead i take the opportunity to have a rest and had my quiet time with Dad. And guess what after EGR, i just fell asleep. Haha. I didn't even know i fallen asleep, i'm home alone then. Just woke up this dinner time. I bet i won't sleep this early for today. :)

Thanks Dad. Putting you first in my life made my life worth living for! ILOVEYOU :)

***GRACE.GRACE.GRACE***

JOY ^^

Good Morning bloggers! :) Just woke up and writing this blogpost put smile on my face. Why? Simple. By means of people who never fails to remember me, their Personal Message. I find them thoughtful. And to those who look forward and appreciate my advices, thanks Dad! I'm happy that i can made them smile too. :D

Yesterday?

It was a tough day, though tiring but being at school with my anaks relieve my stress and this not feeling that make me sick. I loved being hug and kissed with my anak, especially this 4 kids who were so close to me, i really find them sweet -ina,ems,anjo,dwaine, with their hugs and kisses it made me feel well. We tend to play with the org. too while waiting for their opening number, nanay-tatay, langit-lupa, and the likes. haha. Where like little kids, we run and run thinking nothing but to enjoy. Wow! How i'd wish i can spent more times having bonding with them and making them feel loved inspite of our busy schedules. Thanking Dj too who accompany me, singing songs together. Haha. Whatta trip and the likes, we're like little kids whenever were together, endless laughters. And finally this guy who put smile on my face, haha. I dunno but by just merely seeing him, he always made me smile though doing nothing. BLESS OUR HEARTS DAD! :)

Thank you Daddy for giving me the opportunity to have them in my life. Love you!^^

***No work for today but i gotta do the laundry. God bless your day my dear readers! ^^

***NEHEMIAH8:10***

sorry

no entry for today my dear readers, cause by this unusual feeling-sick. maybe tomorrow i can write again.

>nowhere to run =/

114 closer to 144 :D

why 114 to 144? well maybe it's not an accident that before i post this blog i saw that i had already 114 post and this one to make it 115. yet the rhema for me 0f 114 is that Daddy God wants me to be more into Him and He wanted to remind me to keep praying for my 144. not to stop inspite of busy schedules, hindrances. :)

Whoa! I can say this day was so great! It happened for a reason, EGR mode. Sorry Dad i control my feelings, i didn't give my best. While praying then, i really wanna shout and burst all my tears, but i just can't i find it hard breathing that's why i wanna say sorry Dad. I know i can give more yet i didn't do it. But i'm thankful Dad, that once again i know you're glad because you can see your kids -- how we really wanna seek for your face, for you Oh God.

Once you've said to me: "For you O God tested in fire, refine us like silver to a place called abundance." Yes Dad we may encounter different trials but nothing can stop us from seeking you. We may be weak at times but You are the source of our strength. We know that in God's time that abundance you're saying, your grace will pour out and be a blessing more and more in our life. Thanks Dad for that encounter,i was blessed so much. :)

And how's my heart? Hmm.. I guess I'm not really struggling though i know how i missed having a boyfriend and sometimes i can't help not to care for him yet the promise of Dad for me when i finished the race is much more rewarding. I know in my heart that I love him and I'm not afraid to surrender him over and over again because at the end if it's God's will then it will be. 1John4:18 :)

And Praise Report i saw my anak-anakan and betcha guys, whatta a great feeling that from afar seeing me they run towards me then they hugged and kissed me. I was really overwhelmed, it's a surprise for them. Haha. They don't know that i'm coming. I really miss them, and honestly sometimes i felt sad that spiritually they were not really into it yet i kept praying for them. Dad reveals to me that -- "When everything else fails -- i must LOOK UP because best things are ahead! :)"

And another thing, i was overwhelmed with my LG kapatid -- aizen. When she was encountering trials, she always look forward on telling it to me. I wasn't alert that she always acknowledge my advices, i was really overwhelmed. Haha. And she said she was praying for anointing from me. I was surprise, she said that she's waiting for me to shout while were praying she's waiting that she knows anytime i would shout. Now i know that though i can commit on a ministry at church still i can do things that can glorify Dad. Wee from now on i'll keep her updated, plus Kylie and Phredo. Thank you for their souls Dad, that they appreciate me,my advices that comes from you. All glory are yours Dad! :)

So that's it Dad, was it too long? Haha.. Thank you for your endless GRACE Dad! :) i'll pray that my anaks will be more excited to encounter you as how i am excited to be with you. Love you Dad, Oops i'll have this interview tomorrow Dad, Bless me. :)

***LET YOUR WILL BE DONE--Exodus14:14***

HOLDING ON

Whoa! Dad was so great though i'm feeling unusual He reminds me of what He had said to me a week ago.

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear . . ."

Yeah right! It's my fear that scares me a lot. Then i realize at this moment that why should i fear if I know God is with me? Dad really knows how to put smile, to strengthen you when you feel so weak. He never fails to say, "I love you very very very very very very very much. My love for you is an endless as forever."

And this revelation yesterday while on my way home is that when i fall asleep at the jeep i tend to held my hands together but suddenly i was awakened and my hands fall apart. Then i found myself trying to hold on back, i don't know but i find it hard that it made me hold my hands to tight, seems like i'm falling apart but then because of that holding on to God's love made me eager to held my hands so tight. It reminds me that i must "HOLD ON,TIL I REACH THE GOAL." Funny but it's so sweet that even at my weakest point God doesn't seems not to care but He gave His fullest love just to made you feel that you're not alone. Though i fall asleep at my way home since i'm working, i can be at home safe and sound. Thanks Dad for taking care of me. :)

Just wanna share this, reading this one made my tears fall.

Friday, September 17, 2010

The Length of God's Love for You by Rick Warren

"I know that your love will last for all time, that your faithfulness is as permanent as the sky" (Psalm 89:2 TEV). "Isn't it good news to know that God never gives up on you? No matter what you do, his love never gives up." Human love wears out; that's why we have so many divorces. I know a lot of people who are not divorced but they don't love each other anymore. There's a limit to human love; it dries up. That's why you have to have God's love in your marriage—in all your relationships—if they are going to last. God's love never wears out. God's love is patient, persistent, and persevering. Isn't it good news to know that God never gives up on you? No matter what you do, his love never gives up. It's wide enough to include everybody and it's long enough to last forever. God will never love you any more than he does right now. But he also will never love you any less than he does right now. He loves you on your good days; he loves you on your bad days. His love is not conditioned by your response. God is love and his love is given freely.It cannot be earned and it is not undeserved. Accept his love and worship him, knowing that his love is long enough to last for all time:"And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should,how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully" (Ephesians 3:18-19 NLT). ***BLESS MY HEART,I WANT YOUR GRACE***

weak

i'm physically weak. i want somebody who would care for me. if only i can go somewhere when nobody knows me at least then someone would care.

*body aches, eyes turn into red, head aches, hands, and worst my heart.

honestly i just wanna keep quiet for a while. i hate to hate myself but i hate it.

it's my heart speaking:

"i'm scared to fall in love. scared to fall fast. because every time i fall in love it never seems to last."

*i wanna shout. cry out loud.

*why am i supposed to feel this way? is it because of my past, made me think no one would last. that eventually they would only pass by into my life. i hate this part. i'm scared.

***IF YOU'RE NOT THE ONE--listen to the song***

Great Day! :)

grabii i wanna blog but kumikidlat.. takot na me.. haha.. sana makatulog pa.. just to have a short story for this day. my day. hmm.. :)

at work. it's good but i hate it, i hate it on the part that my friend in the team kept teasing me with this guy whom i don't even like. hindi ako napipikon, but i don;t know what's running on the mind of the guy that when he looks at me i really feel that nababastos ako. it ruined my day at work though it's just for fun but then i get easily irritated when the guy looked at me. i do pray that he would stop staring at me like that. (Dad,please.)

after work, had this LG at the secret place. and whoa. i fell asleep though for a while that i wanna do a hug. haha. but then. you know na,it's not right. haha. ENDURE. we had this sharing, sadly most at the group were not around. praying next time will have that super bonded moments especially with Daddy God's Guidance, Love and Grace.

and this revelation. (contine tom.edit this one.)

Dad, revealed to me on holding unto something your heart truly desires while sleeping on my way home.) ^^.

that's it. i'll just end it up now. coz i'm scared honestly with that camera este kidlat.haha.. i do hate rains. sometimes, but sometimes i appreciate it. thank you for this oh so great day.. love you! :)

ihh

ihh. bat kasi mknta. haha. grabii. itang tipung bat kasi. haha. puru kasi. tas mgselus ku ba? grabii. bat kasi eh. pero makanta pin siguru talaga. ihh. eke kasi atuluy ing blog aini. hai =/

have a break! :)

to be posted soon :)

DAY40 OF 40DAYS

Whoa! After all.. Haha.. It was finished and i learned a lot. It makes my spiritual life more stronger, being Dad as my companion and He's the one who made me stronger more and more each day. And guess what i don't worry at all. Haha. Sometimes I do but not to the point that i will give up something for a cause, i'm a fighter now. Wee! Thanks Dad for making me a real Warrior. Warrior not by the name of my High School Peers but definitely a Great Warrior of yours to fight for this so called life. :)

My day? It was a tiring day, for how many times i tried to sleep at work when the supervisor wasn't around. Haha. And guess what, i'm too lazy to encode for my own but i find it easier to encode for others. I pity them maybe. Maybe because never did i experienced my name to be on the weakest link, always one of the most highest. I don't know how it happened, haha. Anyways, i do miss too my other workmates, they are on the night shift now. And the freedom board really make sense nowadays at work, it becomes our medium. Haha. I do enjoy the company of our new team today, new faces. Adjustment. ^_^

Off to school. I admit i do miss dancing a lot. =/ How i'd wish i can perform again with TG. I miss our bonded moments. I miss my feedbackers group. Haha. They always say that "i'm so malandi when it comes to dancing." Haha.. Quite funny but then when I dance I wanna make the audience make dance too by giving my best shot. I miss dancing. :)

And on my way home, i had a walk with this guy and i can tell my stories. Haha. "MADE TO BE?" haha.. But that's ok. And now i'd finished fixing my resume, ending this blog and i don't know what's gonna happen next. Hope i can sleep well and wake up early tomorrow. :)

I'll end this with a prayer:

Dad, thank you for this so Oh Great Day. 7th month, 5 more. Surely I'll enjoy the remaining months with you Dad. I'll promise to wait patiently, running toward the goal. Nothing to worry, right Dad? You know my heart's desire. Let your will be done. Take care of me Dad, my heart. Thank you for your grace. I love you Daddy. :)

***Many are the plans in a man's heart,but it is the Lord purpose that prevails.-Proverbs19:21***

DAY39 OF 40DAYS

whatta tiring day.. haha.. bonding with li'l bro and him though for a while.. he seems like he care, not for me but for my bro.. haha.. thanks anyways.. he put smiles on my face.. :)

and whoa! guess what it's the first time that i finished watching a movie that's not a drama at all but then i find myself with a teary eye.. STEP UP 3.. haha.. why? coz like Moose been quoted: "I MISS DANCING BUT IVE GOTTA SAY I MISS YOU MORE." not only that, Luke and his leading lady on the movie it was like a love that fades away but then at the end they find theirselves back into the arms of each other. Isn't that sweet? (smiles) And they gonna pursue their dreams together. Haaaayyyy.. Haha.. :))

And i know with Daddy God -- "NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE! :)"

Whoa whatta a movie to end the day. It's almost 12am? haha.. I gotta sleep, hope not to be late at work tomorrow. Goodnight Dad! Love you. Hugs. ^^.

DAY38 OF 40DAYS

Heartbreaks. Heartaches. Love failures.

somehow i feel glad that i let him go. (reminiscing,haha) i can feel your pain. been there, done that. move forward,best things are ahead!:)

a post in my fb and twitter account. i was pertaining to my 1st bf. remembering it when my friend in HS share something about break ups. a long time ago i was like a kid who cries out loud when somebody got my toy. haha. well, it really hurts and i admit from then on i find it hard to trust a guy. i was always in doubt. after him, i had several relationship but then i was only fooling myself. yeah i had love them too but not fully. i can't give my full trust. that's why it's one of my reason why i'd signed up this manifesto movement. it's for me, for my heart, for my future man and especially for Dad! :)

I'll end it with a prayer:

Dad, bless my heart. Bless my man's heart. You know my heart and it's way, if you would give me The Promise i wanted him. And you know him. He may not show his love for me but i don't know why i continue loving him from a far though i don't know who's inside his heart. I never felt this way, waiting for the God's time for this so called love. I'm not struggling Dad, i just want you to know and share at this moment that out of the blue i can feel this love, maybe it's your love that shines above all that's why though i can't feel his love, i'm just loving him more and more each day. Bless me Dad, lead the way. I entrust everything to you. Favor Dad, can you hug this guy for me? And whisper to him that i do miss him. Thanks Dad. I Love you! :)

***Love REINSTORE, Love REINSTATE, Love REQUIRES***

DAY37 OF 40DAYS

Am i in love? Hmm.. Yes! I'm in love with God's love. So much love that i can feel that makes me wanna jump for joy! :) I don't know why, but I was so excited for all the plans of Dad in my life. Wow! I really can't wait, but then before i would have this true happiness i should learn how to endure. I know in God's time everything would be all right. No one can let me down, i'll be much bolder in sharing Him unto others and with Him i can do anything. :)

And what made me really excited? His Promise for me after this Journey(Manifesto). I'm not after who's that guy might be, well honestly i have someone in my heart right now, and i want him to be The Promise. But then, i don't know what's gonna happen next. I'll just wait patiently and for sure in God's time i can be happier with that guy. The guy that He would give to me. For so long i never been to much in love but right now having the full blast of Daddy God's love for me, whoa! What can I say? The Promise that He would give, surely i'll take good care of him just how much Daddy God show His love for me. I would fight for that guy,The Promise,for my future hubby. Fight for the Love of God. Fight for the good fight of Faith! :)

Okay that's all. I just wanna share what would i feel right now. Haha. Some might think i'm struggling right now, but i bet you're wrong in that case my dear. My life is changing day by day with His constant love for me and everyday i'm enjoying God's love that's why you can see me being in love. Yes! As i've said earlier i'm in love, totally in love with Dad. And so let's sing together Dad: " I'M OFFICIALLY YOURS.." (la.la.de.la.la.de.la.la.de.^^.) Let's enjoy God's love everyday, worry free. Enjoy it until your partner in life met yours and then live your life to the fullest, Fullness in Christ. Sharing Daddy God together with your partner, whoa. That's so sweet, surely Dad would be please and bless your future family. Love you Daddy! :)

***THERE IS NO FEAR IN LOVE, PERFECT LOVE DRIVES OUT ALL FEAR(1John4:18)***

DAY35 OF 40DAYS

I really find it hard to smile the moment i wake up this day. Yet funny how Dad made me smile, it was like a bloopers in life that made me smile though for a while. I was on my way at work and Kuya Darby and I exchange messages, then i was shocked that we're riding on a same jeepney. Haha. We're far apart, so we can't do talks along the way. Just smile at each other and do the handshake before he left. He made me smile. :)

Second, at work. I find it hard again. haha. But once again, Dad made me smile when my workmate ask me if I'm a Christian, because she saw i'm wearing a baller "LOVE GOD.MAKE DISCIPLES.IMPACT OUR WORLD." Then we had a conversation, testimony. Funny how it seems but we sing song of praise together at work. Yet an INC friend of mine, argued with our beliefs. I just listened then to that INC person, haha. And say nothing against her belief. I do respect her. (kabilis ning kalaban) Anyways that Christian girl and her testimony made me smile. :)

Third, I'm about to have a LG at school. Praising God, though i don't had an LG i've done sharing Daddy God with my 4 members. And whoa, guess what Jogs cried. Haha. Telling me that why do i always made a person cry when i share my beliefs, sharing Christ. I don't know why? Maybe that's my gift. A gift from Dad, touching their hearts. I'm glad. It made me smile. Having conversations with them, one on one. Hi's and Hello's. :) Plus i saw Kyzza and Dj. They made me smile too. A hug from Kyzza and that putos.. haha.. And Dj, he made me smile to. That's our bonding, haha. Sadly he went home late because of me. (ihh yan kasi pinuntahan pa ako keysa magluto) I felt sorry. Anyways, TG made me smile too. Seeing them dancing, i miss dancing a lot.. :)

A time for everything. That's what i've said to my anaks. Praying for something/someone may took long, but in God's own time surely He'll give what their heart's desires for. Endure,wait patiently. But now it's the time, an event in my Alma Mater for them just to enjoy it and give their best shot, showcase their talents and do it for the Glory of our King!(Ecclesiastes-A TIME FOR EVERYTHING.)

***A SMILE FROM ME TO YOU, IN CASE YOUR FEELING BLUE.(Dad, was so sweet.)***

DAY31 OF 40DAYS

ARE WE FRIENDS? that line crossed on my mind when my college friends tag me in a post. I can't help myself not to get mad. But then, i just kept quiet and hide what i really feel about what they said. And now i'm writing in this blog, feeling free to say about everything. Well that's me, if i can't tell anyone what would i feel i always do talks with my blog at the same time with Dad. It's like having a conversation with Daddy God, saying all i wanna say to lessened my burdens.

My friends, oh yeah. They were my friends. Super! That it hurts me when they said that i didn't go out with them for a reason. I had a reason, it's Saturday - youth gig and i really don't have money then. It really hurts. As if they don't know me at all that i would go as long as i can and if i'm available. But why do they have to say about that thing to me when in fact they know what my reasons are. I feel sad. Yet, they were my friends inspite of all the hearsays. What can i do? Let go of the things. That's all i can do, let them and perhaps they will realize what all they say.

Close my eyes. Count 1.2.3. Open my eyes. And whoa tell myself.

"Past is past. Best things are ahead. Daddy God loves me so much! :)"

***LESS TALK,LESS SIN***

DAY30 OF 40DAYS

It was a great day! :)

Off to work and i knew i will be late. haha. I fell asleep at the jeepney, read PDL while at the jeep, and guess what it's all because of His grace that's why I'm not that too late. Haha.. 5mins only. wee.. :) People notice me at work that i'm hyper. Haha. (sino ba nman di sasaya pag kasama mo si DG^^) It was fun at work yet stressful yet fun, fun, fun. haha.. (positive!) Had many issues with guys at work, (what's new??) i'm used to it and i don't mind it at all. (loyal ku kasi.) And most of my workmates thought that Dj was my boyfriend (laugh at them), they ask for his name.blah.blah.blah. Dj and I always talked about stuffs like his crushes.. haha.. And going somewhere, car stuffs and the likes, and endless laughters. Haha.. Laughing for no reasons (insane?not yet.haha) And everytime we're together, it rains. Heavy rains. (we dunno why?loving the rain slowly)

Whoa! This is it! The highlights i had this LG and guess what 1 out of 7. haha.. But still i was so glad, having this soul. Whoa! Opportunity, to please Dad. What i've learned now is to smile at times when my faith in Him is in test. I feel great today, having this chance to share Him once again to other people. Thanks Daddy God for bringing me back to the Heart of Worship. All Glory are Yours-Daddy God! :)

Next? Had a talked with this guy. Haha. It seems like we haven't talked for a long time ago. As he said, "it's been quite awhile." I feel great. Haha. Isn't it obvious? What a reward with that patiently waiting. Never had this talked to him like before. Thanks to him. Looking forward to the next time, i don't know when or how long will it takes but again i'll just wait patiently. Thanks Dad! Bless our hearts! :)

And guess what he met my bestfriend, and best said: "bage nakayu man eh, mukha siyang mabait and pogi siya. (grabii!!!haha) It was the first time i introduce a guy to my HS bestfriend. And i feel glad he said that words. Whoa! Thanks again Dad, it's all because of your grace. ^^.

Had a dinner with my brother and cousin. Had fun, sharing. blah.blah.blah. Haha.. I was eating alone when my cousin joined at me, at my own plate. Then my kuya joined too. Talking about this recently accidents, then my bro said he dreamed of this before and it was a dejavou. And then he started, "taya tamu j******" haha.. We almost die into laughter, me and my cousin - Charles, laugh at him. Because he was too serious. Haha. Whoa! Thanks for them Dad, i had fun eating. :)

Great Day! And it's all because of your Grace Dad. Thank you so much. Bless my heart, his heart and everyone hearts. Hold on me Dad, never let me go. I love you Dad! :))

♥♥♥SOW FOR YOURSELVES RIGHTEOUSNESS, REAP THE FRUIT OF UNFAILING LOVE♥♥♥

DAY29 OF 40DAYS

Starting the day hearing the sounds of the rain falling on the rooftop made me sick. I dunno i hate rain, maybe because of my past experiences - rel'n gone. But then, i'm removing that and just leaving the past behind.

Off to work and it's raining! Thankfully i'm not late at work, thanks to my father. We go to work together, having lunch together but we don't go home together - he always go early. And at work? Hmm.. Sermons. Oh yeah! Fault of one person - fault of the team. Raining in and out. What a day! And guess what, i do less talk at work. Why? Because i'm in between with this guy who seldom talk, so why would i bother wasting my time talking at them? haha.. Anyways i'm ok with it, i find more time having chit-chat with Daddy God. And whenever i'm asking Him something, He would reveal His answers with the lines of the music playing. I was so amazed with it. Haha.

SOME OF THE ANSWERED PRAYER:

1.What if i give up this so called love and don't wait patiently? Well it is not only I who wants his love right? Hmm.. What if? What if? (haha..sounds crazy but sometimes i'm asking that..haha..)

"IF YOUR MIND KEEPS THINKING YOU HAD ENOUGH, BUT THE HEART KEEPS TELLING YOU DON'T GIVE UP, WHO ARE WE TO BE QUESTIONING WHAT IS WHAT DON'T GIVE UP, THROUGH IT ALL JUST STAND UP."

2.Dad..Dad..Dad.. (haha..nothing i just keep calling Dad while at work because my workmates were too busy and doesn't even talk to me at all)Well the truth is i'm asking Him to protect my heart at work. Then guess what He said, worry free with His answer. So sweet. :)

"YES YOU BELONG TO ME AND I'M YOURS EXCLUSIVELY."

And what else for this day? Hmm.. Yeah, this guy who lend me his jacket. I didn't bring a jacket today and the cold at work whoa! Anyways he lend me his jacket and i was glad that he cares on the other side some people at work thought we had something. Knowing for the fact that there's nothing between us so both of us just laugh and he had his girl. Bless his heart Dad for being kind.

Next? On our way home i was a li'l bit irritated with my workmate. Not to mentioned what happened.

LG. Yeah! We had a LG today. It was good, having a time with Daddy God even with this busy schedules pleases Him a lot. But this moody attitude of mine, whoa! Unexpectedly, i walked out. I dunno how it happened but maybe i'm just too tired at work. It was an attitude that i hate a lot. It was only then that i did it again. I remembered the last time i did that was when? When i have this fight with my ex? Hmm.. Not to remember. ALT+CTRL+DEL ^_^ (Sorry DAD.)

Phonecalls. I received 2 phone calls from this 2 different companies. Position? Sales Admin. Assistant(Angeles City) and Accounting Staff(nearby Manila-Intramuros). And guess what i won't go with it. Why? I'm afraid? Hmm. Not at all. BUt i just want to spend more time having LG. Letting go of this opportunity wasn't that heavy for me. I believe Daddy God has a big plan for me. So i won't frown. :)

What i learned today? Hmm.. Is that..

"Daddy God will used me too if i would just say no to excuses."

***JOHN17:4***

DAY25 OF 40 DAYS

Hearing love songs and dedications for their love ones melts my heart. It reminds me of this person who was so dear to me, i love dedicating songs for him which means a lot. (I Choose You & We Are One) But all i can do is to endure. endure. endure.

***LOVE WAITS PATIENTLY***

DAY24 OF 40DAYS

Guess what? A Pastor prayed for us (me & aizen). 'twas after my work when i go ahead in the church for prayer works (Dawn Watch). Out of the blue words come out in my mouth after DW when Pastor Jerry passed us by, he's staring with us then all of a sudden i whisper to him "PWEDE NIYO PO KAMING PAGPRAY." No second thought, he prayed for us immediately or what they so called EGR. It was when he starts praying for me tears fall down, Daddy God broke my heart again. I screamed out loud just to ease the pain, struggles in life. After that, whoa! Amazing, oh yes! I feel great. Amazing Grace! :)

Dad told me then that i must not worry about anything or anyone else, once again i go back to the basic -- the beginnng. Phil.4:6 and the new revelation Exodus14:14. And that reminds me of my faith in Him and to trust Him with His promise for me. :)

Thank you Daddy God for that encounter, encounter with you Dad. I love you. Bless my heart. :)

DAY23 OF 40DAYS

Hi bloggers! :)

Oh i got a phone call from a call center agent today, and i was shocked. I just said to that agent "YES" for how many times, why? because i can't understand what he's saying, i was just awakened then from my sleep.. Haha.. :))

Had an LG too and the presence of Daddy God was so great, that we can see Him moving in our network. Many descendants.. Yes! Genesis 12:2. And guess what the word of my fellow Christians plus what i had share is a perfect combo! It was so amazing! I had a great time with them, we prayed for each other and for our own country too. :)

But on the other hand a part of me wasn't that good, i don't why i just can't stare at him and had talks, i wasn't supposed to act that way. I feel sad, i can feel he wanted to talk to me but me i just kept quiet until i left them. =/

And this was the second time i had a walked on the street to our work, it was scary but i know Daddy God guides me. I do trust Him that no one can harm me. :)

What more? Hmm.. Many more but i wanna end it up here.. Sorry for my blog entry, i just can't think right now -- too tired and i wanna sleep.. Until next time.. I'll leave this entry with a simple prayer.

"Daddy God, bless every people who always find time to read my blog just to update what's happening on my life. I thank you for their lives and i wanna let them know that i do appreciate them. Let your love shine upon us. Bless our hearts Dad and guide us always. I love you Dad! In Jesus name I pray, Amen. :)"

DAY 22 OF 40DAYS

Hmm.. My day? I started it having this LG with my anaks.. Whoa! Whoa! I'm speechless.. haha.. I can see Dad moving.. Ihh.. haha.. speechless.. This was the fourth time i had an LG and after our LG someone cried.. haha.. GRACE.GRACE.GRACE! :)

I had dinner with Dj too, he treat me again.. Haha.. While on my way to work, it was my first time i walked at NSO all alone. I wasn't that afraid.. :)

I had this first, oh my first....... And I'm glad for the first time.. haha..

***REMEMBER, It's all about LOVE - LOVE GOD AND LOVE PEOPLE.***

DAY21 OF 40DAYS

Hi bloggers! I'm blogging on my night and day time due on my work schedule 8pm-5am.

My sleeping hours is 8am-4pm then wake up to eat, take a bath and off to work. Sometimes i go early when i have to meet some of my friends or most of the time LifeGroup. :)

Off to work this day i'm with Dj, i meet him at Mcdo and oh my guess what i saw not him but him(you know,haha), it's God's will.. haha :) I was amazed and shocked.

Anyways, Dj and I always have this laugh trip and most of the time talking about his crushessss-many-many..haha! :) He's a sweet guy, he went with me at NSO but we stopped at Ministop, he bought some breads and energy drink (touching) and told me to eat some of it during our breaktime, he wanted to buy me cup noodles but i refuse. Most of my workmates saw us together and they thought he was my bf. We do lots of talk and joking each other, what if we don't go to church maybe we were drunkard, we smoke and the likes.. Haha.. I do enjoy his company, he makes me more talkative.. haha..

At work?

Sleepiness.. I didn't meet our quota, laughtrip with the guys at work. And they made fun of me always.. (sanay na ako..haha) I'm accepting them little by little. ^_^

***I THANK DADDY GOD FOR THE PEOPLE WHO APPRECIATES ME***

DAY20 of 40DAYS

whoa! finally i had this time again to blog..just got home from work, finished eating my breakfast and now drinking my milk before i go to sleep..

updates?

WORK?

-different people but i'm enjoying and accepting reality.. reality bites, right? :) 'm easily learning the ropes of a workplace.. just wanna enjoy it and don't wanna look up for the negative sides ^_^

HOME?

-it's just like i'm going at home to eat,sleep,take a bath, that routines only then off to work again.. i bet my family miss me a lot.. haha :))

FRIENDS?

-i find it hard somehow to meet them,but eventually i'm coping up with it. :)

MY HEART?

-whoa! a tough decisions to admit to this guy that i'm loving him more and more for no reasons at all.. i'm just being honest with my feelings for him.. no secrets.. :)

DADDY GOD?

-i had a lot of time with Him and most of the time His my companion, we do chit-chat mode always.. i'm enjoying His love.. i'm blessed.. :)

what more?hmm.. i bet.. i'll start blogging again,sorry guys if i stopped blogging i was into an adjustment period at my work but i do promise that i'll be blogging again though i'm tired after work.. love yah bloggers! :)

***SPEAK TRUTH IN LOVE***

DAY9 OF 40DAYS

just got home from work. and whoa, a tiring day. haha.


"hindi ako mkpgkuento kasi wala akong maisip, haha.. napagod na ako. for a change tagalog ang post na ito.. :)"

yun.. araw ko? masaya nman at work.. so blessed kay jelly pinagluluto nya ako lagi ng lunch.. haha.. nabubusog ako sa luto niya.. at work? yun we always sing and smile pag pagod na and inaantok,haha.. pag ako nagkanta na that means pagod na ako,haha.. i sing songs of praise at work.. nawawala pagod ku.. :) and dahil sa dulo ang place ko pag dumadaan ako lagi kong sinasabi na dadaan ang sexy,haha.. grabii, wala lang for a change and mawala antok ng mga kasama ko, plus super ginaw pa dun..haha..:) and guess what 13 pala ngayon muntik kuna makalimutan.. half a year na Manifesto ko, wee.. bless me Dad and secure my heart.. lalabs you madame Dad.. thank you for this day.."

--ayun tamad tlga ako mgblog kasi pagod ako.. haha.. wala akong maisip.. grabii.. ^_^

♥TRUSTING GOD COMPLETELY MEANS HAVING FAITH THAT HE KNOWS WHAT IS BEST FOR YOUR LIFE♥
Almost halfway of the year and patiently waiting for THE PROMISE.Ü
Bless my heart Dad and the heart of your Promise.
LOVE YOU DADDY. ♥♥♥

DAY8 OF 40DAYS

***Colossians3:23***

-to be posted soon. chat2 with kapatids di aq mkpgsulat :)

DAY7 OF 40DAYS

Worship pleases Daddy God. In everything you do, you can worship Dad by means of your love, thanksgiving, and delight, not duty. Do it on your own willingness that you can glorify Him. :)

TODAY?
My first day at work. My mother prepared a packed lunch for me and give me a tumbler. (touching,like the old days -- elementary days) First day at work and i'm late. haha. It's like first day of class, we introduce ourselves to our co-encoders. And guess what, on Aug.19,2010 it's the anniversary of NSO and our supervisor oblige our team to prepare a Prod. that will be held at King's Royal. I had friend at work, Jelly - a single parent mom. She's like my older sister and she's gonna cooked for our tomorrow lunch. yipee! Plus she'll bring chocolate cookies and snacks, as if she's my mom. So blessed i've met her. And our Project Team Leader, he's my crush. Haha. We're close, as if we've been friends for a long time, but he's a type of person who loved to mingle with girls that's why i'm not surprised with his sweetness. (i'm not affected anyways,haha) And my neighbor at work is a guy, i don't know his name though we had talks. haha. I bet i will surely enjoy this work, the atmosphere and people there were good. And next week we'll have our work started from 8p.m.-5a.m., i'm excited. Haha. :)))

I know that Dad planned all of this before i get in this company, i would surely love to worship him by doing my work for his glory. Thanks Dad, guide me with my everyday living. I love you! Ü